Feel it before you fix it

Real talk today. Things are intense right now and naturally, there is a lot of advice circulating online and in our social circles around seeing the silver lining, staying positive, how to grow through all that’s happening with Covid. And I 100% agree - as a natural optimist, this was my starting position.

When I found out that my two kids (4 and 2 yo) would be home full time, my husband and I would be juggling multiple roles, the first words out of my mouth were "omg what an exciting opportunity to learn teamwork within the family!" I was proudly touting around my great perspective and evangelizing it everywhere.

And even as reality set in, I brushed aside all the hard stuff I was experiencing and feeling because I was 'supposed to' not let it affect me and needed to soldier on.

Then I was having a conversation in one of my leadership groups and someone said "you can't move through that which you don't recognize" and BAM. It hit me. In the name of optimism and keeping life moving along, I didn't allow myself to feel the sadness, fear, anger, loss because it wasn't 'me' to be in that space.

So what I've learned and want to offer you is:

1. Acknowledge where you are at. Don't be afraid to sit with it long enough to name it, know it. We have trained ourselves to avoid anything that will bring about hard emotions. And then when we do experience them, we have learned so many ways to numb them or distract ourselves from them. So my challenge to you is to stay with whatever you're feeling long enough for you to see it fully for what it is and can name it clearly.

2. Accept it. Embrace the fact that in this life, you will experience the full range of human experiences and emotions - and that is okay. It just means you're human. We do a funny thing where we amplify our pain by adding our judgment of what we 'should' be feeling instead of what we are feeling. You are exactly where you need to be in this moment. Know it, own it, so you can then...

3. Share it. In this moment of social distancing, our social lives and how we work together at home and in the workplace are open to being re-written. We've tossed out the playbook on how to 'be social' and we have the chance to learn how to deeply connect and communicate with those around us. And it starts with us being able to own where we are - our story - and then being generous with that story and sharing it out to others. In doing that, it opens the floodgates to even more connection and ideas than perhaps any of us could have envisioned for such as time as this.

If you or anyone you know would like to chat more on this, send me a message at s@stephaniechenbanjo.com. I'm here. Let's keep sharing our stories.

Xx