Don't Think Positively. Think The Next Best Thought

I always remember that moment after I poured out my heart to a friend about a challenge I was going through and he quickly countered - "Just stop worrying and think positively, Stephanie." (spoiler alert: that didn't work)

A lot of us probably have gotten that advice at some point in our lives. It may help you at times, but often it feels defeating and kind of adds on an additional layer of feeling bad that you feel bad.

Recently, a lot of my clients have been working on building their emotional and mental agility and find that it's hard to "just think better thoughts", yet they really want to get off the worry bus. Here's why it totally makes sense, and here's what you do about it:

1. Imagine a thick forest. There is one well-worn path that travelers have walked down for decades. It's flat and easy to walk down, so it becomes the default path. This is what happens when we have been used to thinking the same thoughts for years and years - "Nobody will ever listen to my opinion, so why bother", "I failed miserably last time, so there is no way I'll do well this time", "I've never been good at handling change, so this is going to suck", "I have nothing new to say, so it's not worth speaking up." To carve a 'new path' in the forest (of your mind) is totally doable, it just takes some work.

2. Now imagine a ladder. The bottom of the ladder is your current thought. The very top of the ladder is a more supportive thought - your goal thought. Notice, there are steps in between. So what you can do to give yourself space and compassion is to create some intermediate thoughts, or the 'next best thought'. So, if your current thought is, "I'm not doing a good job and am disappointing my team", an intermediate thought could be "I was asked to lead this project because my [x skill] is valued here", "I always do the best I can with what I know because I truly care about this team", "It was my first time doing [x activity] so of course I was a bit awkward", or "I'm a learner on the path to building my delegation skills and am brave for even trying". Remember, the aim is to always create the next thought that is most believable to you - not one that you feel you 'should' be thinking.

3. The key is to practice this. Put reminders in your phone, write it in permanent marker and stick it next to your computer, whatever it takes. Just like the example with the well-worn path in the forest, you need to practice thinking these new thoughts to carve out the new 'pathway' in your mind so it becomes more and more natural. And trust me, it will get easier.

4. Download the 'Thought Ladder' tool to try it for yourself! Have fun with it and let me know what you come up with or, if you have any questions, throw them my way!

Xx