Why acceptance plays a key role in overcoming challenges

As a middle child, I learned how to be the diplomat and the world's greatest arbitrator of all times. Sandwiched between an older sister and younger brother, I learned to see all sides, consider the facts of everything, developed empathy, and how to solve relational problems for others.

On the outside - I was seen as the cool, calm, and collected person. I "always" had the answers and knew how to work through everything in my life (said everyone else). But interestingly enough I started to believe that the role/identity others assigned me was what I was supposed to play without question or deviation. So fast forward to when I had children and started questioning everything about who I was and my identity. I was definitely not cool, calm, and collected. And I for sure did not have the answers. I was conflicted about the role I wanted to play - I wanted to still work, build a career, yet also wanted to be around my children. I remembered that I would feel so many emotions I've never felt before to that extent - anger, frustration, confusion, resentment...you name it. And for once, I didn't have any clear answers. I didn't know it then, but when I was in that place, my first instinct was to resist all of it. I would think, "This is not me - I'm not supposed to think and feel this. I should have it all figured out." So essentially, I doubled my struggle because I judged myself for struggling.

And the thing I wish I had known back then was I could allow myself to struggle without it meaning anything deeper about who I was. Because what it came down to was, I struggled with struggling because I was the person who was supposed to always have it together. So I resisted allowing myself to struggle, which just prolonged it. It sounds silly, but we can become so attached to the identities we have had, are known for, that we don't allow ourselves to go outside of that box.

So what if we freed ourselves from that and just accept what is. Wherever you are, whatever you're going through, whatever you're feeling - just allow and accept that moment.

Because when we stay in that space of "but I should be here or there" or "I should have done this", we spend too much time in the future (of where we should be) or the past (of what we should have done) - we starve our present moment of any creativity, love, peace, joy, and connection. Put in another way - if you are struggling in the present, if you accept the place you're in wholeheartedly and learn from it, it will actually allow you to move forward quicker because you bring in more focus and attention to how to move forward vs just going in circles wondering why you are where you are.

Yesterday I was leading a training at a tech company and one of the leaders opened up and shared, "I realized I don't give myself permission to meet myself wherever I am. Others look to me as a leader so I struggle with the moments where I don't have it all together". And her realization was that if she saw those moments as normal and expected, she could figure out a way forward (with a lot less stress) a lot quicker. It was a big ah-hah moment for her.

So with that, I'll leave you with a phrase I use that you can try on for size: "I'm exactly where I need to be - what am I learning in this very moment?"