How to stop beating yourself up

Have you had those moments you wished there was an 'off' switch in your head? (Side note: I'm raising my hand here, because this was me to a T)

You're going through your day trying to do what you need to do. But scenes from yesterday's meeting, last night's conversation, dissecting what you said, didn't say, what others said to you, what you should have said or done - all these keep playing over and over. And...over. Like a movie reel caught in a loop.

It's exhausting. And all that living in the past is really preventing you from being fully present.

So the first thing I want to say to you is that this is completely and entirely normal (to the human race). Our brains like simple answers - was that good, was that bad, right, wrong, am I safe, in danger, am I loved, rejected? And when new or complex events happen, we don't have those answers as easily as we would like. So we comb through every detail in search of a truth, takeaway, or conclusion.

And short of inventing an 'off switch' hack for our brains, here is a quick technique you can try in these moments to give you and your tired brain somewhere to go - other than around and around. This exercise is called "Taking back the Narrative"

1) Acknowledge and allow that whatever happened, happened...and was meant to happen how it happened.
2) Say to yourself, I did the best I could given what I had and what I knew in that very moment. (This helps the beating-yourself-up part)
3) Write down the top 3 bullet points of what you deliberately choose to take away from the situation. Here is a hit list of examples you can poach.

- "Through that experience, I've learned xyz and will plan on how I can apply it moving forward"
- "I realize now I have this xyz skill to build and I wouldn't have realized that, unless this happened"
- "I might never know how they took what I said, but I'm not responsible for other people's emotions"
- "I took a risk and it didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but I'm brave for trying and I know that I only win or learn from all my experiences"

Once you capture those down - use them as your anchor and refer to them each time your mind starts wandering back to that situation. You can then guide your brain (that likes to go off track) back to this narrative you're choosing to believe and live out of moving forward.