How to reframe failure
A lot of us cringe on the inside when we hear the word 'failure'.
I recently did a coaching webinar with a global tech company and we spoke about how to move through times of uncertainty & change. One of the biggest themes that popped up throughout our time together - even with C-suite executives in the room - was around a fear of failure. When things are the same around us, we've learned how to control all our moves, how we look, show up, the energy we bring to the table, our ideas. BUT when things change around us (hello, 2020!) it shakes our sense of control and makes it feel like failure is that much more inevitable.
The #1 consistent reason I encounter as to why people fear failing so much is this: The failure is seen as an indictment on who you are - not on what you did.
We believe that failure means something permanent and unchangeable about us as people. It's a mark that we will forever carry around us, never to shake off.
But the truth is, we are not our failures (and equally, we are not our successes as well - but that is for another email!). You are YOU - whole, complete, acceptable, worthy, good enough, enough...as you are. That is the untouchable, unshakable WHO. Then separately - what you do and how you do it can always be adapted and changed.
I think this quote I smashed together from a few ideas sums it up well: "You are both enough AND still wildly capable of more"
It says that just as you are, you're already enough, acceptable, and no failure, messing up, saying the wrong thing, criticism can ever touch that. Yet, as people who strive for learning and growth, equally we always have that much more potential to lean into if we are open to it.
If we can learn to see failure as just your First Attempt In Learning (F.A.I.L.), then we can train ourselves to a) not be afraid of taking action in the face of unknowns because we know we will either learn or get a win; and b) learn how to untangle the tendency we all have at times to make the failure about who we are as people. We can more quickly say to ourselves - "Okay, what did I learn, what do I want to adjust for next time, and how do I choose to move forward?"
Comment below and tell me what landed for you when reading this or what questions you have!
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