You're not behind in life: A new way to define success
My parents grew up in Taiwan. Whenever I complained about my homework as a kid, they would remind me that they had 5x as much homework as we did, studied 7 days a week for the majority of the year, AND to top it off, when test scores were released, they were displayed on the classroom doors for everyone to see. You could see who was first. And who was last. Yikes.
While a lot of us have grown up in different education systems, one thing most of us share is this world of social media. People’s carefully curated lives are posted up on the wall for everyone to see.
And we don’t know who created this social ‘grading system’, but many of us look to the same things to measure how ‘far along’ someone is - the house, job title, social connections, money, car, spouse, children, vacations.
And it works both ways - if you believe these are the factors that determine how successful you are, you can use them to feel really good about yourself OR feel really bad about yourself.
I remember when I turned 30, my colleagues asked me how I felt. I answered that I felt pretty good about it because I had achieved a lot of the things that people might not have achieved at that age, but if I hadn’t achieved all that I did, I would be feeling miserable.
I still feel a bit emotional when I think back to that response, because it shows just how fragile my sense of joy and peace was back then. When things are “going well” on the outside we tell ourselves we can feel the joy and peace. If not - it leads to the endless comparison, beating ourselves up for now being ‘further along’, feeling alone, rejected, and allowing the fear of not being good enough push us day after day. It’s exhausting.
So what’s the fix here?
I believe it’s time to write a new ‘grading system’ for our lives. Instead of inheriting the default one that society has fed us (money, degrees, job title, etc), take the time to define what your version of success looks like. I’ll admit, we all like having things to work towards, so instead of trying to suppress that desire, we just change the grading system we measure ourselves against.
Here is my new grading system:
How well my use of time, financial decisions, and relational choices match my values and my life mission.
How connected and honest I am with my family, friends, and community.
How often I choose courage over convenience.
How well I’m honoring my personal boundaries so I can feel greater joy, freedom and peace
How much I’m choosing to focusing on growth, learning, and opportunities (regardless of the situation itself)
And let’s not forget. This doesn’t mean that just because you focus on these things (above), you can’t work towards those tangible goals - making that next career jump, hitting your business goals, becoming a more influential leader. It just means that those things - whether they come or not - are not your only ways of obtaining what we often truly want: knowing we’re good enough, feeling lovable, worthy, at peace, freedom, and joy.
Comment below and let me know - "What's one thing that would be in your new grading system?"